Terrible Tot terrorizing Traverse City! |
Don’t let the
smile fool you. That tot is in the middle of a reign of terror, turning
beautiful Traverse City into large and smoldering piles of bricks, cherries and
tourists. Note the Big Red Carnation of Destruction in her hand!
The back
reads: “The Miniature City has returned. You can see 108 wooden buildings, real
landmarks of Traverse City – some are 50 years old. The Miniature City building
is located just across from Les Hatch Pontiac on U.S. 31 South.”
Whatever.
I know what
happens next, because my wife loves monster movies. A bunch of normal-sized
kids, at least one whom will be named Kenny, will somehow be allowed to tag
along with scientists and once-skeptical-but-now-convinced top military brass as
they find a way to either lure the dimpled and dangerous girl-monster back into
Grand Traverse Bay – she is wearing a sailor suit – or freeze her solid and
drop her off in the Upper Peninsula, where she won't thaw until late July.
My wife
watches a lot of these monster movies, both the classics with guys in rubber
suits and new ones that show on SyFy that offer past-their-prime actors
battling computer-generated sharks/gators/aliens – a combination of them, if we
are lucky.
Some, like “Jersey
Shore Shark Attack” are good fun. But sometimes, well, I just have to call
foul.
The IMDB
storyline: “Aliens invade the Earth using electromagnetic tornadoes as a weapon
of mass destruction. Brilliant high school student with her father and blogger
involved in the study of tornadoes struggling against time to prevent a huge
disaster and defeat the conquest of the planet.”
OK, it’s more
plausible than “Sharknado.” Seriously, of all the animals in the ocean, only
the sharks are scooped up in the tornadoes?
And this
movie was pretty good – blogger-heroes are a good start -- until one scene.
Our high
school heroine, Kelly, was in Chicago at an outdoor café when she is alarmed to
see tornadoes dropping down into U.S. Cellular Field, home of the Chicago White
Sox. We see the ballpark destroyed and the scoreboard hurled into the sky.
Let’s list
the problems, complete with screen captures.
First, there
is no place on the South Side where someone can eat at an outdoor café and see
the ballpark. In that neighborhood, getting to and from your car safely is part
of the adventure. It’s better now, but still, there are no cafes.
There is no street cafe where you can see this. Also, note the iconic Comiskey scoreboard. |
Note that
Kelly was gazing upon U.S. Cellular Field in its post-renovation glory, painted
black.
Then, we are
presented with an aerial view of the tornadoes touching down in the infield. But
wait! This is no longer the black, renovated version of the ballpark. It’s the original,
light blue version! Big error!
We somehow traveled back in tome to pre-renovation U.S. Cellular Field. Again, note the scoreboard. |
Then, the
alien twister rips out the scoreboard. Is it the legendary White Sox scoreboard,
with colorful pinwheels that spin and glow when a Sox player hits a home run?
NO! It’s the legendary manual scoreboard from Wrigley Field, the famous home of
the rival Chicago Cubs!
Yes, somehow the aliens turned the Sox scoreboard into the Wrigley Field scoreboard. |
For this to
all make sense, The Cubs and White Sox would have agreed to somehow trade
scoreboards and the twisters must be able to instantly transport us back in
time to when U.S. Cellular Field was named Comiskey Park and painted blue.
If this time travel happened, did my epic booing of Derek Jeter ever occur?
Look, I can
buy into a lot of things with these SyFy horror movies. I can understand Tiffany
and Debbie Gibson battling mutant snakes and crocs -- and each other! -- and even New Jersey sharks
leaping out of the water, swallowing Joey Fatone whole and landing back in the
water. Could happen, though the idea of people paying to see Joey Fatone in
concert is a big stretch.
But rampant
ballpark misrepresentation destroys any ounce of credibility.
If the
filmmakers are placing iconic scoreboards in the wrong stadiums, I’m going to
have a hard time accepting that aliens have discovered how to direct tornadoes and use them as weapons to conquer Chicago and, presumably, northern Indiana,
since it’s right there.
Movie ruined.
Let this be a
lesson to future SyFy film producers. Do not mess with ballparks unless you get
your details straight.
3 comments:
Should be interesting to see what they do with this recent Sharknado 2 visit to Citi Field.
Hey, maybe they'll do it up with Shea's scoreboard!
My fear is that they do something bad to the Statue of Liberty. Lady Liberty also gets abused in these movies!
True. Even Doctor Who messed with the good Lady.
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