Bad postcard of the week: Maritime mayhem in Frankenmuth

We can only imagine what happened on these boats.

Now, where is the marine patrol? Because this, clearly, is a party out of control!

There’s so much going on in this week’s bad postcard, from Frankenmuth, Mich.

Frankemuth is famous for A) Chicken dinners, B) The glorious Cheese Mouse, C) Bronner’s Christmas store and D) Being close to the massive outlet mall.

And, apparently, wild and crazy parties on the river.

Look closely, and you’ll see these are actually two pontoon boats connected. That’s because a party this dangerous can’t be contained on one boat. These people are about to cut loose. See the lady in red? She’s about to start a “Hokey Pokey” dance off. And you know what happens after that. Shudder.

The two kids in the front? Yup. They are contemplating jumping overboard and swimming to safety.

Perhaps the back reveals how this seemly pleasant river cruise turned into the floating frat party.

The back reads: “A group enjoying a scenic trip up the Cass River. Water shows and skiing are also held here during the Bavarian Festival – the second full week in June each year. The river was named after Lewis Cass, appointed military and civil governor of the Michigan Territory in 1831. He also made the famous Cass Treaty with the Chippewa Indians, which predominated the area at that time.”

I’m not sure “predominated” is the word they’re looking for – or any word at all. But there are other issues, like a lack of information about our boating party animals, and too much information about Lewis Cass, who makes no real appearance here.

And then, at the bottom, we get a bonus paragraph: “Frankenmuth Michigan – where the gemuetlichkeit of Old Bavaria blends with the hospitality of New America. Located 6 minutes off I-75 Expressway.”

I know you’re curious. Gemutlichkeit means a situation that includes a cheerful mood, peace of mind, with connotation of belonging and social acceptance, coziness and unhurry.

Or, it means maritime mayhem from boozy boaters. At least that's what our bad postcard would lead us to believe.