Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Willie Randolph gets fired in LA, we round up replacements

The Subway Ad Curse is born. Ain't nobody gonna pose with a sandwich next year.

As we all know by now, the Mets axed Willie Randolph at 3 a.m. this morning and named Jerry Manuel as his interim replacement.

Let’s waste no time in picking the Mets new manager. Here are some potential candidates, as well as their pluses and minuses:

Hillary Clinton:
Upside: Boasted she’d be the best one to handle bad news at 3 a.m.
Downside: Bill becomes the bench coach.

Moises Alou:
Upside: Gives him something to do while he’s on the disabled list.
Downside: Will pull a hammy walking to home plate to exchange lineup cards.

Mr. Met:
Upside: Could throw hot dogs into the stands with that launcher on the way to the mound to change pitchers.
Downside: Head already is pretty big.

Mike Francesa:
He’s a baseball genius. Just ask him.
Downside: Will obsess over entrance songs, making sure no Yankees are offended.

Derek F. Jeter
Upside: His intangibles make everything better. Joe Morgan will finally praise Mets.
Downside: Clubhouse will have stench of "Driven," Jeter’s cologne.

Rachael Ray
Upside: Duh. She’s Rachael Ray.
Downside: None whatsoever.

Pat Burrell:
Upside: At least he’ll stop killing us on the field.
Downside: Phillie taint.

Roger Clemens:
Upside: It’s not like anything worse could happen to him at this point.

Downside: Would make Carlos Beltran change name to Karlos.

Mets Guy in Michigan:
Upside: I coach a coed softball team, and we have a better winning percentage than the Mets.
Downside: I think I pissed off Tony Bernazard ages ago when he was on my fantasy team.

Gary Carter:
Upside: We already know he wants the job. Really, really wants the job.
Downside: You have to be crazy to want this job.

1 comment:

Richard Jennings said...

Dont worry Willie, there are lots of high paying jobs if you know where to look -


$75K, $100K, $150K .....you'll be back in the game in no time!