Milledge, Giambi, "that stuff" and those words

Two New York ballplayers are in the news this week for saying stupid things.

One said he cheated by taking “that stuff” and said Major League Baseball should apologize to its fans for him and people like him taking “that stuff” and “that stuff” didn’t really help him put up monster numbers that he parlayed into a $120 million contract.

The other sang a stupid song on a CD that apparently was never widely released.

Guess which player some columnists are saying should be run out of town on a rail?

Wait, I forgot this tidbit: The player with “that stuff” is a Yankee, while the potty mouth is a Met.

Now you get it.

Mets prospect Lastings Milledge apparently thinks he has a future as a rapper called L Millz, and raps on a song called “Bend Ya Knees” where uses N-words, B-words, H-words and plenty of other words that should get his mouth washed out with a Costo-sized bar of soap.

This has unleashed all kinds of moral outrage from Yankee-friendly columinists spouting headlines like “Mets should cut ties to Milledge.” A Newsday columnist apparently thinks he’s a mind-reader and suggests Omar has had enough of Lastings and is looking to deal him for a bag of balls and a Pat Boone CD.

Then you have Yankees occasional first-baseman/ARod gadfly Jason Giambi.

Giambi reportedly told a grand jury during the BALCO investigation in December 2003 that he used steroids and human growth hormone. He then had a press conference where he apologized without saying what it was he was apologizing for, then attributed his sudden weight loss to yoga.

Then last week Giambi got loose in an interview with USA Today where he said the Major League Baseball should apologize for players using steroids.

"I was wrong for doing that stuff," Giambi told the newspaper. "What we should have done a long time ago was stand up -- players, ownership, everybody -- and said: 'We made a mistake.' We should have apologized back then and made sure we had a rule in place and gone forward. ... Steroids and all of that was a part of history. But it was a topic that everybody wanted to avoid. Nobody wanted to talk about it."

Then we get the classic: "That stuff didn't help me hit home runs. I don't care what people say, nothing is going to give you that gift of hitting a baseball."

Let’s start with Lastings, who I believe is all of 23.

I don’t like listening to music with those words. But when I was that age I liked a metal hair band called W.A.S.P, and it’s best song was called “Animal (I boink like a beast)” only singer Blackie Lawless used a word other than “boink.”

As my long-suffering college roomie Tony can attest to, we’d play “Animal” at top volume during the dorm’s “Hell Half Hour,” a venting study break during finals. That was as wild and crazy as I ever got.

Then I turned 24 and 25 and W.A.S.P didn’t seem so cool any more. Now, I look back and cringe. And I suspect that when Milledge is a little older he’ll look back and cringe about “Bend Ya Knees.”

Until then, we should just look the other way until L Millz realizes he’ll make a lot more money hitting bombs instead of rapping them.

And frankly, I don’t understand why people get upset by anything said by an entertainer, be they a singer, movie star or radio shock jock. Why do we care? That stuff just doesn’t matter.

Then we have Mr. Giambi.

First off, you’ve got to love the “That stuff didn't help me hit home runs” line, which is kind of like Bill Clinton saying he didn’t inhale. Giambi doesn’t seem to be putting up the kind of numbers he used to, even after moving to Yankee Stadium and its pennant porch in right field that is designed for lefties like Giambi.

But more importantly what’s with this “Major League Baseball owes fans an apology” stuff?

No, Jason. YOU owe the fans an apology, and not the wishy-washy one you gave where you didn’t say what you were apologizing for.

Assuming “that stuff” is steroids, here’s what Giambi should be saying:

“Dear fans. I cheated. I took a substance that enhanced my performance. In fact, I performed so well that I was given an MVP award that should have gone to Alex Rodriguez, who, despite being a complete wuss, has never been linked to drug-taking.

“I used ‘that stuff’ to pile up numbers so I’d look better in my contract walk year. Then I turned my back on the loyal Athletics fans to sign a seven-year, $120 million contract with the Evil Empire.

“Yes, other players were taking ‘that stuff’ too. But I am responsible for my own actions.

“I apologize to baseball fans everywhere except for Yankees fans, who deserve everything they get. Hell, these people still cheer Derek.

"Oh, and I have overlapping tattoos on my shoulder and arm, which shows poor planning.”

What Lastings did was stupid and immature. But what Giambi did was offensive.