Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Bad Mets fan v. Bad Yankees fan

Misbehaving fans of both New York teams have been in the news lately. I think the level of activity reflects on the teams themselves.

All information included here comes from Associated Press articles posted on news Web sites. Let’s review.

Bad Mets fan: Frank Martinez of the Bronx

Misbehavior: Shining a powerful flashlight into the faces of two Braves players during a game at Shea.

Bad Yankees fan: Mohammed Junaid Babar, formerly of Queens, now a London resident.

Misbehavior: Ran training camps in Pakistan for Islamic militants and nurtured a generation of homegrown British terrorists.

Oh my. Where to begin.

OK, first of all, I’m not branding Babar a Yankee fan. Apparently he confessed. AP describes him as "The slightly built Yankees fan." AP tends not to identify team affiliation, so this guy must have been one of those over-the-top Yankee freaks ticked off that his court appearance conflicted with his daily dose of "Mike and the Mad Dog."

Apparently when he wasn’t running about espousing Derek F. Jeter’s "intangibles" and booing Arod, Babar testified in a British court that he filled his days by getting involved with plots to assassinate Pakistan’s president.

While AP doesn’t mention the obligatory shrine to Paul O’Neill found in the house of every Yankee family, it does indicate that a "kitchen spice rack was packed with jars of chemicals, and aluminum powder and fertilizer for making bombs were stuffed in a bedroom cupboard. The backyard was a makeshift firing range, Babar testified. Buried close by was a cache of AK-47 rifles, grenades and ammunition. Plus, a Jason Giambi bobble head."

OK, I made up the part about the bobble head, but you just know he has one.

Look, I get it. You hang with the Yankees long enough and it’s going to mess with your mind. You start out thinking you are entitled to all the best free agents, then you think the World Series could be canceled if the Yanks aren’t involved "Because who is going to give a damn unless da Bombers are there?"

Next thing you know you’re joining Mike Francessa in a tirade because some Shea sound tech plays "Enter Sandman" when Billy Wagner walks out of the bullpen, a song that despite being written and performed by Metallica is apparently owned by Yankees closer/cyborg Mariano "Slayed by Scutaro" Rivera.

Clearly, the logical next step is to allegedly turn your house into a camp for militant extremists. Like I said, I get it.

Then we have our mischievous Mr. Martinez. who this week was sentenced to 15 days in the pokey and banned from Mets home games for the next three years.

Martinez was apparently distraught that the Mets were down 7-0 to the Braves on April 20, and thought he might stop the bleeding and allow our boys to catch up.

I see him working.

The difference is that most of us would have let loose with a "Chippppppeeerrrrrr! You suuuuucccckkkk" to lower the self-esteem of the Met-killing third-baseman, then head back to the concession stand for a lukewarm knish and a Diet Pepsi in a cool souvenir cup, confident that D-Wright and Jose will take care of business while Chipper is wallowing in the realization that he does indeed suck.

Our man Frank, however, lost faith in our assorted Carloses and opted to waste perfectly good seats behind home plate to shine his beam into the eyes of Braves pitcher Tim Hudson and shortstop Edgar Renter. He no doubt shined the light in Chipper’s eyes, too, but he couldn’t see it through his tears of shame.

Frank. Dude. I believe the rally cry is "You Gotta Believe" and not "You gotta blind the Braves." Let Willie and the guys take care of business. They don't need your help.

Still, a guess I prefer a guy who is a wee bit overzealous to a guy who apparently takes the name "Bronx Bombers" literally.


Tony Hartsfield said...

I needed a good laugh at someone else's expense today. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

I gotta admit, I'm a little disapointed on your lack of reponse on the Quayle thing, I mean, I took the time to to look up exotic fruits, and nothing. Come on, the potato thing was good shtick. Ok, maybe I went a little over board with the Red state thing by no reponse?
Disenchanted in Granite Bay

Mets Guy in Michigan said...

Hold on, TW. It's just been a crazy couple days, hence the delayed response. I'm just slow in contemplating a proper rebuttal.

Now first, Michigan is not generally considered a red state -- Democratic governor and both U.S. senators, and voting Democratic in the last six or so elections.

But we're close enough to be a battleground state, so we're in play -- especially if people in Detroit forget to vote, which actually happens.

As for Qualye, I'm not saying he was any great shakes. But the potato thing is tough. It's a hard word to spell. Potatoe...whoops, see I did it, too! And I'm a professional.

Had I had the time, I would have paid the $3 admission and asked to see if the actual flash card he was reading from -- and it had the "e" -- would be part of the exhibits.

Of course, after asking that question they might have shown me the door and not let be buy any post cards.

I was just stunned the guy had his own museum. One term as vice president barely gets you a mention in the almanac much less a place with a gift shop, poorly stocked as it may be!

lifl said...

It is a travesty that Frank Martinez was sentenced to 15 days in jail. I am not defending him in any way. What he did was wrong and somebody could have gotten hurt. He should have been ejected, fined, and banned from Shea/Citifield for a period of time. Life possibly. What is crazy is that here in NYC I have seen people arrested for felonies and receive no jail time. None! Zippo. Maybe a conditional discharge and communtiy service. Now Frank has to cool his heels on Rikers Island for 15 days. I hope they have SNY.....

lifl said...

By the way Dave. LIFL is me your cuz.


Anonymous said...

Touche' my friendly wordsmith. I guess I should have researched Michigan a little better. But to be honest if you didn't live there I wouldn't know where it was. I'm joking...That's true for Iowa, not Michigan. I mean, criminy, you folks have a lake named after you!
No hard feelings, I'll try to less sensative next time!
P.S. I'm going to the May 19th game (taking aunt Dee) and the 20th (taking my dad). And, yes, I will be wearing my Yankee hater shirt and bad ass black jersey.
T.W. G.B

Mets Guy in Michigan said...

Two days at Shea! Sweet!

But Tim, whatever you do, don't bring a flashlight!

Anonymous said...

How about my laser pointer? No, Luckly we won't need any help in burying Jerek F. Jeter and Co., Should be fun!!

Joe said...

I'm sure Buckner would rather be the victim of a flashlight then the victim of low self-esteem.

The power of Met's fans to lower the opposing team's self-esteem is second to none!

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