Friday, August 09, 2013

Bad postcard of the week: Frustrated deer and emergency elk in Atlanta, Mich.

We can only speculate why this hunter is frustrated.
Why is this guy frustrated? Or, is the deer frustrated?

There’s a lot going on in this week’s postcard. And I have a story to tell about my own experience this week with large beasts with antlers.

Our postcard reads “Greetings from Marquette, Mich.” And then, at the bottom, it reads “Frustration.”
The back of the postcard reveals nothing about our woodsy scene, simply repeating the frustration line.

Our photo shows a deer off in the distance, and a red-clad person doing, well, I’m not sure.

It might be a male. I’ll assume it is, since I don’t know any women who partake in this activity. I’m not saying there aren't any, I just don’t know them.

He’s not wearing orange camo. He’s not hiding in a tree stand. He’s not hiding in a blind. I don’t see a pile of apples and carrots used to lure deer to their bloody deaths.

The white pants are odd. And I’m praying that they are in fact white pants and not a really, really pale pantless hunter taking care of business like the bears do, in the woods.

And he’s reaching for his gun. So, why is he so frustrated? Is he out of ammo? Is he out of beer?

The deer seems to have spotted him, and he’s got pointy antlers. Maybe the deer is a little frustrated that decorum prevents him from rushing over there and evening the score for all the deaths of Bambis past.

I nearly was headed to Marquette this week. Instead, I went to Alpena, up in Northwest Michigan, for a work assignment.

I passed through a little town called Atlanta along the way, and the sign read “Elk Capitol of Michigan.” I didn’t realize there was such a thing, or if there was much competition for that title.

Now, it was dark as I passed through. But I could have sworn that I saw a giant elk in a glass case, right there in the center of town.
Encased in glass, like Snow White in her coffin.

Sure enough, driving back through the next day I saw this majestic beast in a glass case, right in front of the post office. Of course I stopped the car to investigate.

I wondered if there would be a sign reading, “In case of emergency, break glass.”  Because when there is trouble, you want to set free your emergency elk to gallop in and save the day.

I saw no such sign. But there was a little box with a red button – but no indication what would happen.
 Pressing it, some odd mooing and snorting bellowed through the speakers. I considered running away, because, lacking an emergency, I didn't want this beast coming alive and crashing through the glass.
Press the red button to hear wondrous sounds. 
The mighty elk, peering down from the heavens to keep the people of Atlanta safe.
But then there was a human voice telling me that this was, in fact, the sound  of a giant elk during mating season – yikes – and some other interesting elk facts.

Two girls walked past as this was going on. They gave me funny looks. I guess the locals have already pressed the button.


Dave J. said...

Searched up Atlanta on and the first one is called "Push the red button". Seems this oddity has been noted by others.

Anonymous said...

The hunter is frustrated because he's been sitting under that tree since before dawn, putting off the inevitable bathroom break for 3 hours and he just squatted to poop when a big buck walked in view. He knows if he reaches for his gun the deer will take off. You need to get out in the woods with me and Theresa, who was mildly miffed by the fact you don't know any female hunters! lol