Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Correcting Sports Illustrated's hateable list of hated teams

Sports Illustrated can’t get anything right.

The magazine’s website created a list of what it thinks are the 25 most hated teams in sports. They got about 24 of them wrong. filling it with a bunch of football, basketball and hockey teams that nobody cares about. And they even included the loveable 1986 Mets!

Simply an outrage.

Now it’s my job to clean up the mess. But I’m only going to list 11 because I just don’t have all that much hate in my heart.

1) 2000 New York Yankees: Let’s see. The bat-chucking and allegedly steroid-using Roger Clemens stole what should have been the Mets third world championship. Clemens alone would be enough to inspire these strong feelings of ill will. But look at the rest of the roster. Confessed user Andy Pettitte and grand pooh-bah of steroid confessors Jose Canseco, Shane Spencer disgraced himself in his short stint with the Mets. Jim Leyritz had substantial legal issues of the most unpleasant manner. Mariano Rivera is, at best, a cyborg. Paul O'Neill was, shall we say, wound a little too tight. David Justice was married to Halle Berry and got dumped. And Derek F. Jeter is, well, all the things he is that makes him one of the only players I openly boo. Seriously, how could Yankee fans support this assortment of bad guys?

2) 1978 New York Yankees: Loathsome. Drunken Billy dissed Reggie and George, resigned in disgrace and five days later was dragged back at an Old Timers Day fiasco that saw Bob Lemon pushed aside for no apparent reason. Then you had Bucky and his corked bat poking one into the screen at Fenway, followed by another beat down of the hapless Dodgers.

3) 2009 New York Yankees: ARod confessed in spring training to PED use, then the team rolled into a new, overpriced stadium that has all the charm of Lenin’s Tomb without even the benefit of having a dead Lenin laying around. Of course it has a jet stream that turns Yankee fly balls into home runs.

4) 1996 New York Yankees: Possibly the most stolen of all the Yankee championships. First, Derek F. Jeter got a cheap home run when the umpires amazingly failed to see Jeffrey Maier reaching into the field, a most infamous act. Then they went to the World Series against the Braves, known chokers in important games not involving the Mets. Jeter again benefited when umpire Tim Welke got in Jermaine Dye’s way as he went to grab a catchable fly. Then, Marquis Grissom was called out going to second on a passed ball when he was clearly safe, costing the Braves a run in the critical Game Six. Yankee magic or umpire assistance? Did the umpires get rings, too?

5) 1977 New York Yankees: Freaking Reggie, Freaking Billy, all in the season where the Mets break hearts by trading Tom Seaver.

6) 1999 Atlanta Braves: Chipper and his band of punks went to an undeserved World Series only because Kenny Bleeping Rogers couldn't throw a stinking strike, and then completely rolled over in the World Series to the vile Yankees.

7) 2008 New York Yankees: An entire season dedicated to a lie. And everyone knew it. The team and its willing accomplices spent the year paying tribute to a ballpark that was effectively torn down back in 1973, even getting an All-Star Game that should have gone to a more glorious ballpark in its final year – Shea, of course. And the patches on the back of the caps looked really stupid.

8) 2009 Phillies: They claimed a division title only because every Met but Daniel Murphy and the bat boy spent time on the disabled list, then completely rolled over in the World Series, giving the Yankees yet another championship and we’ll never hear the end of it.

9) 2001 Yankees: Stinking Roger Clemens went 20-3 at age 38 and no one was questioned whether he was juicing? Thank goodness Randy Johnson, Curt Schilling and Luis Gonzalez stepped up to stab the Yankees’ black hearts and prevent them from winning another undeserved World Series win.

10) 1988 Los Angeles Dodgers: It’s bad enough that Mike Stinking Scioscia destroyed the Mets season and Dwight Gooden’s career with one swing. But Dirty Kirk Gibson added insult to injury by stealing the Most Valuable Player Award that rightly belonged to Darryl Strawberry, sending Darryl into tailspin that eventually led to him in Yankee pinstripes, the ultimate uniform of shame.

11) 1991 Mike’s Upper Deck: They were the established kings of the Grand Blanc (Mich.) Parks and Recreation Coed Softball League, led by a surly female coach who never missed an opportunity to whine and berate the umpires. We were the upstart newcomers to the league and refused to play our assigned role of doormats. We were beating them in the fifth inning when it started to rain and the game was called. It should have been an official game. But no, they whined and whined that the game should be resumed and the league relented. We scored six runs in the first inning of the resumed game and claimed our victory – a second time. But I still hate those guys.


Dan said...

Love this. I probably would've added the 2007 and 2008 Phillies, too. And in #9, you typed "Luis Castillo" instead of "Luis Gonzalez." Clearly the rage was building by this point ;)

Mets Guy in Michigan said...

Good catch, Dan. I was watching the 13-inning disaster while I was typing, watching Castillo blow chances to win the game....

Alex Conrey said...

Great post! I thought that maybe one of the disaster Cubs teams would be included. I'm sure, though, that if the list went on, they'd be included.

Anonymous said...

Mike's Upper Deck, a name that shall live in infamy! Let me count the vile ways in which they were hated!

We had the game won, WON I SAY!, 5-3 and they made us play the last two innings. Final score 11-3. Suck it, MIKE!! I never played on a team that wanted, BURNED I TELL YOU, to win a game more than that one! Everyone wore eye black and when I fanned Mike gloriously to end the sixth inning, I might as well have been the Freakin' Cyborg ending another ill-gotten World Series as the team poured out of the dugout to bestow congrats!

Our glorious victory was the highlight of the 1991 GBL season by far!


Anonymous said...

Dave, you couldn't find hate in your heart for the 1990 Colorado Buffs who won the national title ONLY because the refs, with money flying out of the pockets, couldn't count to four vs. Mizzou?