Sunday, May 16, 2010

If the Mets were playing "Survivor," who'd be a hero and who'd be a villain?

"Survivor” is the only show I watch that doesn’t include baseball players. And watching Sunday’s finale of “Heroes vs. Villains,” I had an idea.

Why not merge them up, and leave more room on the “not-Tivo” – what we call the DVR – for iCarly, Colbert and old movies, the viewing preferences for the rest of the family.

And we’re 38 games into the Mets season, and ”Surivor” started on Day 37 and followed to Day 38 and 39 on the Sunday show.

This season’s heroes and villains theme fits perfectly with the way the Mets season has progressed, Let’s see how the Mets would have been divided and fared on the island so far.

Angel Pagan: Hero tribe. He’s not known for his baseball smarts, kind of like JT on the show. But he’s somewhat loveable and seems happy to be there.

Mike Jacobs: Like Sandra, he’s on the villain tribe, but not quite sure why. Probably because he kept Ike Davis in Buffalo longer than he deserved. But Sandra lasted for a while. Jacobs was the first one booted from the Mets tribal council.

Pedro Feliciano: Hero. Dependable in challenges, carries the load but without being one of the loud leaders.

Gary Matthews Jr.: Villain. Parleyed one amazing challenge victory into a big contract and has done nothing in camp since.

David Wright: Hero. Everyone’s favorite player, but like Colby has some big moments, but has sucked at a lot of challenges this year, probably from trying to carry the whole tribe on his shoulders.

Frank Cattanalotto: Villain. Appeared to be a hero with his hometown boy story but everyone soon learned that the only thing he could contribute were weak-assed grounders and pop flies. Second person voted off at tribal council.

Johan Santana: Hero. Was done in by cheating Phillies punks in recent reward challenge, then can’t get any support from rest of the tribe when he needs it.

Jason Bay: Villain. He’s supposed to be a big power hitter. Has one more homer than I do.

Rod Barajas: Big hero. Was last one picked for the tribe after other catchers went to other shows. Hit more home runs in one game than Bay has all season, including a dramatic walk-off.

Luis Castillo: Villain. He’s really not that bad a player, but everyone wanted Orlando Hudson on the tribe and Luis makes too much to be voted out.

Mike Pelfrey: Hero. Playing better than anyone expected, even led the team in saves at one point. Which leads us to…

Francisco Rodriguez: Villain: The fact that a starting pitcher has a save is not a good thing. The fact that the starting pitcher got that save because the record-holding closer blew a lead in the 19th inning – and several others – makes K-Rod a villain.

Henry Blanco: Hero. Has about 40 tattoos too many, which makes him like Coach without the stupid “dragon slayer” nonsense. But he has some very big hits and the personal catcher thing going for him.

Fernando Tatis: Villain. Oh, he’s not a bad guy. But he must have some incriminating evidence on the Wilpons to be in the game in the first place. That’s pretty villainous.

Ike Davis:
Hero! Ike said he belonged in the game during spring training, and was kept out of the action. Now he’s one of the few player in the tribe worth cheering for.

Sean Green: Villain. Sucked mightily in early challenges then went down with an injury before be could be voted off.

Fernando Nieve: Hero. You know, you’re allowed to sit out a reward or immunity challenge once in a while.

Jeff Francouer: Villain. Oh, this hurts. Frenchy says all the right things. You know he’s trying. But after licking butt in all the early immunity challenges, Frenchy has become the hapless tribe member who stands there dropping his puzzle pieces on the ground while everyone else is getting ready to call for Probst.

Jon Niese: Hero. The Hawk’s a great warrior who keeps getting carried off by the medics.

Chris Carter: Villain. I think Carter wants to be a villain. The Animal knows he can beat these chumps and patrols the dugout with his weapon waiting to strike. Would anyone be surprised if we learned that he sabotaged Catalanotto to clear a spot on the roster?

Hisanori Takahashi: Hero. He’ll probably make it to the final two, but not win. He won’t get voted off because none of the other people in the tribe can spell Hisanori, and they can’t just write “The Japanese Guy” this year since there are two of them. But that also means they won’t write him down when it comes to pick the sole survivor, either. But that should make for an interesting final tribal council.

Alex Cora: Villain. Yeah, he’s popular in camp, but heroes don’t bat .232.

Jenrry Mejia: Hero. Talented as all heck, but some people think he needs to go back to Buffalo so he can be a starter. But he survives, probably because they keep writing down “Henry.”

John Maine: Villain. The smirk wants you to put him in the villain’s tribe. The performance this season makes it undeniable.

Raul Valdez: Hero. Isn’t he on loan from the Mexican League or something? The fact that he’s even on the roster makes him a hero.

Jose Reyes: Villain. I went back and forth on this one. How do you know love Jose, with that ever-present smile? Well, the whole resisting to being in the three-hole, then being great when he was forced to go there when becoming a pop-out machine after a couple weeks makes us put him on the villain tribe if pushed. But he doesn’t have to sit with Gary Matthews Jr. around the fire, and we the Heroes will happily talk him back into the alliance after the merge.

Manny Acosta: Hero. It’s not his fault he’s in the game. He’s probably the first to go when Ryota Igarashi comes back. That doesn’t make him a villain.

And finally:

Oliver Perez: Villain. Ollie is like Russell. He’s an uber-villain. Everyone knows he’s a villain. He’s a villain we all love to hate. And every time we think we’ve got him voted out, he somehow survives. Yet he doesn’t appear to get it, just like Russell, demanding to be the winner when he can’t get a single vote in the live reunion show. But after giving up homers to seemingly every Marlin but the pitchers, there can be nothing else to say but: “Ollie, the tribe has spoken. It’s time for you to go.

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