Friday, January 09, 2009

Proper bagels and Dee Snider could lure Lowe

My brother and parents are back on Long Island for a sad occasion this weekend. But it’s nice to know they were thinking of me. And their thoughfulness is appreciated in this week’s Deezo Friday Five.

1) Apparently they came across a bagel store right next to a post office, and had the idea to fill up a box of glorious poppy seed bagels and overnight it to Michigan.

As you know, Michigan bagels, even from stores that have a New York theme, are no match for an authentic slice of the homeland.

Eating a Michigan bagel is a bittersweet experience. It’s better than, say, some cinnamon roll or McGriddle as a breakfast treat. But you know how it’s supposed to be, and that there are people in New York at that very moment eating a proper New York bagel, some of them Yankee fans who don’t deserve them.

So I can assure you that no mail carrier has ever seen someone happier to meet them at the door.

There were 16 of those beauties, and it was down to 15 within moments.

I thought briefly about taking one of them to the two places I usually get bagels from, to inspire them and show them exactly what they should be baking.

I also thought about bringing some to the newsroom so my colleagues can understand why I turn up my nose at their inferior breakfast edibles.

But that would require sharing, and I’m just not ready to do that.

Later in the day, my daughter asked if she could have one. Now she knows how much I love her. Down to 14.

2) Apparently Braves are making a run at would-be Mets hurler Derek Lowe, and made a pretty elaborate pitch for his services this week.

According to David O’Brien of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, the Braves pitched woo to Lowe for five hours, complete with a video presentation and a recorded message from country music artist Toby Keith.

Toby Keith? Is that the best they can do?

Think of the kind of talent the Mets could tap if they wanted to go down this road.

After serving Derek poppy seed bagels, Long Islander Dee Snider could burst into the room and — like in the video — scream, “Derek Lowe! What are you going to do with your life?”

To which Derek can only reply: “I WANNA ROCK! See you in St. Lucie next month.”

Soupcan at the Crane Pool Forum was alble to take off the Citi logo atop this alternate logo -- for items sold at the stadium -- that would have made a much better patch.

3) The Mets’ new Citi Field patch has now been mocked by just about everyone. And with good reason.

But I hate it even more now that I know the team actually has a decent City Field logo, but it’s using it only on merchandise sold at the ballpark next season.

The logo shows the famed Jackie Robinson Rotunda, as it should. It also has the Citi Bank logo, which is a no-no for Major League uniforms. But you’d think it could easily be replaced with the Mets wordmark or outright eliminated for a patch.

As if times aren’t tough enough for the Bush family. The family cat of 18 years died recently.

The black American shorthair was named “India” by the Bush daughters, after near-Met Ruben Sierra, going back to the days when the President ran the Texas Rangers instead of the country.

I had no idea Sierra’s nickname was “El Indio.” Nor can I figure out why.

The Houston Chronicle reported that in 2004, some students in Thiruvananthapuram, India, burned an effigy of President Bush because they declared that naming his cat India was an insult to their country.

I’d be more upset that Ruben Sierra was named after their country.

But those kids are probably in a suspended state of crankiness because they have to fit “Thiruvananthapuram” across the front of their road jerseys.

As the owner of a black shorthair named after a baseball player -- "Tug" -- I feel a close bond to the Bush family and offer my sincere condolences.

5) OK, say you were a big free agent preparing for your coming out press conference.

You know someone is going to hand you a cap and a jersey, because they always do. It the case of Mark Teixeira here, an extremely ugly one.

And you know that as soon as you put it on, you’re going to pose for photos. And is there anything that looks dopier than a guy wearing a jersey with a tie and dress shirt sleeves showing?

Since you know those things are going to happen, wouldn’t it better to wear a mock turtleneck under a sports jacket, hopefully one that matches the team colors?


RDOwens said...

I saw Reuben Sierra play for the AC Surf b4 his comeback. Weird.

I was hoping for a Robert Rubin image on the Mets logo for this year, but since he quit recently, I guess not. ;)

And I cannot believe you would welcome a Derek coming to your team. I thought the name Derek was taboo.

Mike V said...

I would rather have Oliver Perez. Derek Lowe has a 26-25 record over the past two seasons, while Perez has a 25-17 record. Perez also has thrown more Ks over the same time period, and is 8 years younger. Plus he eats up the Phillies.

Mike V said...

Thank you for posting about bagels. Non-New Yorkers have no idea.