Friday, April 13, 2007

Bleeping April snow

We’ve had a series of nasty violent incidents in our state and even our fair city in the last week. I blame the snow.

No kidding. We had accumulating snow. Usually in April we get a dusting, but this time it piled up quickly and stuck around.

You know the shock-denial-anger-acceptance stages of grief? Well we in Michigan have stages of snow acceptance. It goes month to month.

November: Sadly, this is when it usually starts. Thanksgiving can either be a wonderful autumn afternoon or the first week that the snowblower gets hauled out of the garage. This is usually followed by much profanity because the gas in the blower has been sitting in the tank since the previous April and the darn thing won’t start. And with relatives from out of state on their way you’re really feeling the pressure. Alas, it’s usually heavy, wet snow and we must stop for a moment and ponder its beauty as it clings to the trees.

December: Snow is acceptable in December. Once it starts, it never lets up and we forget that grass looks like. In fact people get a little cranky in those ultra rare years when the ground isn’t covered. We’ve been conditioned to expect a white Christmas and even feel sorry for those sad folks in warmer climates who don’t experience the joy that Bing is dreaming about.

January: Snow is acceptable, again, in January. Go skiing. I get to wear my fashionable knit Mets cap. By now the blower has nice fresh gas and roars to life at the first pull of the cord. My neighbors on both sides and I have a little system where the first one out clears the sidewalks of the others — but not the driveways. Otherwise we’d never leave the house.

February: It’s starting to get a little old. People comment on this. And when this happens, without fail some smart ass says, "It’s Michigan and it’s February." To which I reply, "Yeah, but I don’t have to like it."

March: When it snows in March — and it always does — people are ticked. We’re tired of smelling like gas after snowblowing. We’re tired of boots. We’re tired of coming out of work in the dark and scraping the frozen crap off the windshield. And there are few sadder sights than the white ground as the plane dips through the clouds for arrival after a trip to spring training. I swear the newly obtained tan melts from your body as the wheels touch the runway.

April: We are openly hostile to snow in April. Actually, we are openly hostile to everything and everyone because of the snow. Woe to the Starbucks barista who puts too much whipped cream on your latte. We refuse to shovel, as if this act of defiance will do anything other than get your feet wet on the way to get the newspaper out of the mail box each morning. We refuse to wear the winter coat once the spring jackets have been out for more than a week. We curse at the television screen when the weather man is on. (In fairness, I curse at the anchors and some of the reporters, too, every day. But that’s just a professional thing.) We shake our fists in rage at the plow driver when he passes the house. We shake our fists at bosses. And kids. And the neighbors’ kids. We kneel damply over or now-limp daffodils that were tricked into shooting out of the ground by a teasing day of 60 degrees. We snap at the little kids who chew on my laptop cord while I'm trying to write a story while my daughter is in dance class. We fondle the new kayak we got for our birthday and wonder if would also work as a sled — then curse that we even think about such things. Usually the Tigers are already six games out of first place at this point, adding to the overall surliness of the month. We sometimes even refrain from blogging for a week because we have nothing nice to say about anyone — especially Jimmy Rollins.

So I wasn’t surprised when Major League Baseball felt the need to move three Indians games from snow-covered Cleveland to Milwaukee with its retractable roof. I’m confident it was for the safety of the players — from fans who had just one snow day too many.

In other words... Lets Go Emps!

Faith and Fear in Flushing is required reading every day, but Greg's post about the origins of the team name -- and some of the others considered -- is so awesome that it must be pointed out for all to read. A classic!


Sunshine Sis said...

Hate to be one of those snowbirds who tell you how sunny and beautiful it is while you're knee deep in snow, so I wouldn't tell you that the kids are complaining that the pools a bit chilly at 80 degress. I will say that Katie was looking at the pics on the blog while I was reading saying "wow! Is that snow? Uncle Dave is so luckly! He's got snow!" Of course, this mystical magical snow she hears of is about as real to her as her other uncle's unicorn.

Joe said...

To me snow is welcome in November and December - anytime after that and snow is just total BS.

This year has been freaksish. We got married in December expecting it to be a cozy snowy wedding. Instead we got spring weather - not complaining. Then after that it turned to total white crap for the rest of the winter.

John said...

Yeah, I am ready for the sun and fun in the water and grass. Hey ho, strike up the grill and slap some BBQ meat on, or something.

Anonymous said...

This April is just out of control! When I exited my garage this morning I felt a horrible biting sensation on my face and saw smoke coming from my mouth and I don't smoke. When I made it to my vehicle I immediately checked the thermometer and it read 48, I said to myself, Oh no the dysexlia affliction was going to be bad today, surely it is 84 not 48. I checked again and it really was 48. I began to shiver and wonder if I should exit the car and return to the house for ear muffs, hat, coat and mittens. I decided it would be too risky to face the 48 degrees again and possible risk frost bite. As a second solution I turned the heater on high and turned the seat warmer on high. While driving to work I kept a vigilant eye out for ice patches. 48 in April what is this world coming to? What happened to global warming? Do we need to burn more gas to increase the pace of global warming? On the way to work NPR had a story about all the peaches dying in Gorgia. Snowed out baseball games! I am becomming concerned!I wonder if this is a payback for sunshine Sis's comments?

Joe said...

Here is a question for you. As I'm watching the Cincy Reds (that's whats on in Columbus - that or the Indians and I can't watch AL games - just can't) I crack up at the number of times they reference a player's ability to hit with runners on base. Finally, after hearing it for the 50th time in three days, I got to thinking about those 'with runners on base statistics'.

What is it about runners being on base that makes it different for a hitter than with the bases empty? Is it just the pitching that changes in this situation? Pitchers going out of the slide - runners causing a distraction . . . Is it a change in the positioning of the defense? Is it - and please don't let this be the answer - a change in the batter's focus? Or most likely, all of the above?

Now - write about this and put a Mets spin on it - or at the very least, an anit-Yankee spin on it.