It's better for you to read than for me to sing

Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas music.

But I don’t quite understand Christmas caroling. You have a bunch of people show up on your door step and sing while you awkwardly stand there with the front door open letting all the hot air out. Then the singers want stuff.

So rather than have me come over and ring the bell, you can instead read this newest carol, which is a better version of the "Twelve Days of Christmas."

So....

On the first day of Christmas GM Omar gave to me:

A new pitcher named Barry!

C’mon, we all know there’s no way Zito wants to pitch for the Texas Rangers. We’re bidding against ourselves here and Omar is playing it just right.

Two consecutive division titles.

Of course, winning the division is just a start. Last year was a tease. This year we have to go all the way to the Fall Classic.

Three sets of uniforms

I shall allow the glorious home pinstripes, the traditional road grays and the solid white set. It’s time to ditch the black. Bad things happen when we wear them, like Rogers’s walk in the 1999 playoffs, Timo’s jog in the 2000 World Series and Trachsel’s meltdown in last year’s LCS. I’ve signed that "Ban the Black" petition that’s on the Web.

Four months of Pedro.

That’s right, I expect to see our man Pedro on the hill in July, August, September and deep into October.

Five starting All-Stars.

We need to see Beltran, Wright, Reyes and LoDuca get re-elected to their starting jobs in the mid-summer classic, and maybe we can get Carlos Delgado there, too. Of course, Mr. Pujols and Mr. Howard might be in the way.

Six wins against the Yankees

I’m greedy. I want a double sweep of the interleague series to send the Yankees and their loathesome fans weeping all the way back to the Bronx. I know, so much for that "Peace on Earth, goodwill to all" thing. But the Yankees get my goat, even at Christmastime.

Seven retired numbers.

Yes, we already have four. I continue my crusade to have Willie Mays’ No. 24, Gary Carter’s No. 8 and Mike Piazza’s No. 31 to hang alongside Casey, Gil, Tom and Jackie.

Eight Endy’s a leaping!

I could watch that amazing catch all day long — or at least eight times, to fit in the song.

Nine Mets bloggers blogging.

There are lot’s of great blogs out there, but here are nine of my favorites in no particular order: Faith and Fear in Flushing, Mike’s Mets, Lone Star Mets, Tales of a Transplanted Mets Fan, Metstradamus, Getting Paid to Watch, Brooklyn Mets Fan, The Metropolitans, Toasty Joe.

10 wins for Glavine

Certainly we’d like more than 10 wins for our newly re-signed future Hall-of-Famer. But 10 gets him to No. 300, ensuring his place in Cooperstown and becoming the first player to reach one of the magical milestones — 300 wins, 3,000 hits and 500 home runs — in a Mets uniform.

11 post-season victories

That would be three in the Division Series, four in the NLCS and four more in the World Series


12 wins from John Maine.

I’m expecting at 15 to 20 from Zito — see the first verse — and Glavine, so it’s realistic that our No. 3 or No. 4 starter give us at least a dozen Ws. And if he wants to get extra credit and go for more, that’s OK with me, too!

There! I figure it’s better than the Muppets’ version, but just shy of the Bob and Doug McKenzie take on the classic.

And to you and yours, I wish a very merry Christmas and a safe and happy new year!