Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Kenny Rogers gambled he wouldn't get caught

Tigers pitcher Kenny Rogers has exposed what Mets fans knew all along: He's not that good.

People here in Michigan are tripping all over themselves to argue that the Gambler wasn’t cheating because, well, they really, really, want to win.

So here are the top 10 excuses for for Rogers to explain the smudge on his palm.

1) The ads are bogus! M&Ms really DO melt in your hands!

2) Mark of shame from the ending of the 1999 NLCS.

3) Learned a new trick from the fling-happy chimps at the zoo.

4) Just finished polishing his church shoes.

5) That last mudpie was a beauty.

6) Yankee taint.

7) Just got palm read by Mr. Hankey. Howdy-Ho!

8) Leftover fingerprinting ink after being charged with assaulting Texas cameraman.

9) Barry told him it was flaxseed oil.

10) Residue from World Series bat-chucking practice with sensei Clemens. Bow to your sensei!

I’m OK with that when he was playing the Yankees because sometimes you have to go the extra mile to stab their black hearts.

But in the World Series, that’s not going to work.

Clearly, stomping around the mound like he replaced his blood with Red Bull was a diversionary tactic, and a pretty good one, too..

And for goodness sake, Fox has cameras everywhere but the urinal cakes. Did Rogers not think one of those cameras would focus in on his hand?


jabair said...

it was dog shit on his hands

John said...

Heh heh, I read about it in the local paper. Who was it that pitched a world series and the Ump accused him of spitting on the ball. He probably was anyway.

Metstradamus said...

Think about it...if ANYONE would be conscious of CAMERAMEN, it would be Kenny Rogers.

Tony Hartsfield said...

Urinal Cam. You know Fox has that in the works...

jabair said...

the cameraman brotherhood has finally exacted revenge on kenny